...but I feel strangel compelled to blog.

...maybe its the endless hours i've spent watching family guy and south park....enough is enough. you see my wife went to visit her parents in europe and i've been left to blob. i don't want to become a blob though....though i certainly have felt like one at certain times the past few weeks as a bachelor again. i am now blogging because i see it as a step out of blobbishness...i'm doing something....i hope it's productive. see, i don't know if anyone will ever find or read this blog because i'm doing it and not really telling anyone about it or anything....i'm just doing it. so please, ignore any typing errors from here on out as i will be typing for the sake of speed and not spelling (or grammar for that matter)....anywho, truth is, i feel that i have something worth saying. something that could help someone...

in my experience, it seems that we humans find the greatest solace and comfort through our relation to one another....i.e. if life sucks, it really helps me to talk to or listen to someone who has gone through the same things that are making life sucky at the given moment. here's the deal...i have gone through/am going through stuff that maybe you are going through as well. i'm gonna spill my guts and if noone reads it then at least i have overcome my blobishness (at least temporarily) because i COULD be watching t.v....but i'm BLOGGING, which i feel better about for unknown reasons.

this is my deal...im an average dude....29 years old....grew up in america in a christian home. one of the big things i've come the believe in is objective truth...i know that in this day and age "objective truth" is not a popular idea. in this day and age it seems that everyone wants everyone to be happy and not feel bad so it's pretty common place to "embrace what is true for YOU". know what i mean? anyways...to get to the point...for roughly the past 13 years i have been on a search for objective truth (i.e. that which is true reagardless of how anyone else feels about it).

well, the reason i said that i think i have something to say that coudl help someone is because i really believe something happened (objective truth) and that there are natural consequences that happen and will happen as a result...(example: if we believe buddhism is true and it turns out to be...BINGO! nirvana! but on the other hand if its not...if christianity is, we could be in alot of trouble...and vice versa depending on the belief). in other words, what we believe concerning spiritual matters will prove to have greater consequences (good and bad) for our lives than we could imagine. WAIT! dont stop reading....i am not preaching...i have decided to continue my search for truth through this blog...maybe you can help me and i can help you....

to get it on the table....i am a christian. i have come to believe in jesus as the son of god. but it has not come easily and i can not say that i dont doubt still...there are just so many questions and things that don't seem to make sense. BUT i have been reading alot lately and discussing it with some friends (i like to think of this blog as an extension of that discussion) and some of the things that seemed like such road blocks to my believing in God are starting to get smaller. in other words, things that didn't make sense are making sense...

i used to be sold on the theory of evolution...it made sense...cuz all the stuff they told us in school fit together like a puzzle. it made sense that there was no god in a way...it wasn't until a few years back that i had the other side of the coin presented to me...all of a sudden the peices didn't seem to fit together so well anymore. i started reading a bunch of books by guys who had major problems with evolution....i started seeing that things weren't as cut and dry as i had once thought.

to make this somewhat short...i really looked into the matter, from both sides. i really researched it out....(it would make life so much simpler if evolution were true!) in the end (though i am still researching it) i am left totally and fully unable to believe in the theory of evolution. i really don't believe it. for many reasons, all of which are capped with a complete awe of nature that, upon understanding the complexity and perfection of it all, causes me to be caught by the concept of a divine creator. i feel like i would really be lying to myself to disregard this. anyways...i'll end for now.

somehow i really do believe that jesus is the son of god and that he died for our sins. i would be that last one to say that you should believe that sight unseen (like a timeshare salesman!). funny thing is, i cant lay out a list of reasons why i believe that would satisfy a skeptic (though i can still give reasons), but that is where my search has led me and i can't imagine an honest search leading anyone anywhere else. i would love to hear where your search has led you and/or share some of the reasons i believe or why i have come to disbelieve in the theory of evolution (not to be confused with adaptation)...or whatever...last thing that maybe you could help me with: do you think we can ever arrive at a TRUE assurance of what we believe? i mean, no matter how much one is convinced of anything, nothing can ever be proven...it seems faith is mandatory for life but what the heck is faith? i mean, i'm using it the best i can but i don't think i really understand how to in a way. just thinkin....